Trane

Someone told me I needed this so here I am. That someone was me.

It might be time for me to air out some dirty laundry, to take out the trash, to dispose of the garbage, to free up some of the free radicals, to clear out my synapses and create new connections, to clear out my hard drive . (andddd enough)

"I don't want to be scared anymore, but I know I will be anyway. I think fear is the monster inside that somehow, one day, makes itself fully actualized as an angel and is clandestinely walking you to the place where you should be. Turmoil is merely the angel taking you by the hand, the rough, flaky, dangerously sharp edge-laden appendage that appears to belong to a subhuman, subterranean beast, but its actually just the angels hand all along, you were just too scared to realize who it was."

I'm coping with pain here. That last whole paragraph is the only way I can understand what pain is, because I feel it. I feel it when I handle my future without forgetting the let downs of my past. I feel it when some things seem impossible and the pain makes that impossibility seem real. I feel it when I forget my place. I feel it when I give and don't feel others doing the same. I feel it when I look in the mirror and realize I don't need to feel it anymore.

Give freely and don't look back.

Play your instrument to the effect John Coltrane on "Every time We Say Goodbye", frantic yet controlled, yet tactful, yet lovingly.

Even if people forget you, I know some won't.

Heres to hoping half of my heart is as heavy as the other half.


SL