Trane

Someone told me I needed this so here I am. That someone was me.

It might be time for me to air out some dirty laundry, to take out the trash, to dispose of the garbage, to free up some of the free radicals, to clear out my synapses and create new connections, to clear out my hard drive . (andddd enough)

"I don't want to be scared anymore, but I know I will be anyway. I think fear is the monster inside that somehow, one day, makes itself fully actualized as an angel and is clandestinely walking you to the place where you should be. Turmoil is merely the angel taking you by the hand, the rough, flaky, dangerously sharp edge-laden appendage that appears to belong to a subhuman, subterranean beast, but its actually just the angels hand all along, you were just too scared to realize who it was."

I'm coping with pain here. That last whole paragraph is the only way I can understand what pain is, because I feel it. I feel it when I handle my future without forgetting the let downs of my past. I feel it when some things seem impossible and the pain makes that impossibility seem real. I feel it when I forget my place. I feel it when I give and don't feel others doing the same. I feel it when I look in the mirror and realize I don't need to feel it anymore.

Give freely and don't look back.

Play your instrument to the effect John Coltrane on "Every time We Say Goodbye", frantic yet controlled, yet tactful, yet lovingly.

Even if people forget you, I know some won't.

Heres to hoping half of my heart is as heavy as the other half.


SL

Free

And i want to be free
Wind in my hair
Salt on my skin
Sun in the air
I have to feel love
Holding on me
I'll give you everything that you would ever need

SL

Its a day away from a day.

Movement

Yea, why not.

3,200 miles later, I figured things would be different, and they are. But I was surprised to find something that held constant the whole way through. Throughout the trip, I thought "it be" cool to take short snippet videos of my trip as opposed to the standard still shot photograph because for whatever reason, we remember movement so much better than still action.

I remember how I felt when you (insert some significant action here). Movement helps us remember how we feel or felt for that matter, whether it be dance, athletics, music, art, etc. These are all movements that we remember not because they are merely movements in themselves but because these movements extract emotion.

Thats all it is. Thats all movement is, an extraction of emotion.

So it would make sense that moving 3,200 miles across this beautiful country would elicit an emotional response

The most important of these emotional responses was somewhat unexpected. I pulled into my drive at midnight or so last Saturday night, turned off the car, opened the car door, stretched a bit, looked up, and what did I see but the most beautiful sky I had ever seen in my life. It was unexpected because for the last four years, I've lived in arguably the most beautiful place in the world. For some reason, it took me 3,200 miles to remember how big things really are and how beautiful the big things really are.

Hence my frustration when people fail to recognize the beauty in where they are NOW. Be moved by now and you will continue to do so. I think. ? .

SL

(Btw: The content of "Man in the Mirror" is unbelievably more moving than it was a week ago. Now thats art.)

Change

I'm tired/
change makes me feel like it should have happened and that it can't ever happen/
but i think dark puts even the lightest light in perspective.


SL

Run

I guess its been long enough. I mean my head is tingling, or maybe its just my tea tree tingle shampoo. Anyway, something was pulling at me tonight and so, hence, my feeling compelled to write.

If you were on the fence, get off, and go see Up.

The throne of animated film has never, and in my mind, will never be usurped by anyone else thanks to the quality product Pixar Studios puts out time and time again. Just when you think the concept is weak, or the characters aren't relevant, the concept becomes larger than life and the characters become you and I.

This is not a movie review and according to my computer battery life, its gonna have to be a simple nugget of advice.

Do we let our adventures pass us by? And why? What seems better at the time? What is it that seems more rational? Does it make sense for me to be driven by ration instead of passion?

The film didn't tell me to always be driven by passion. I think the film tells the audience, its ok to be rational and choose what makes sense of your life. Contrary to that, the film never once tells you its too late to pursue whatever passion that is. Its about love, yes, but more about garnering that love into chasing what is in front of you.


I'm not sure if that all works. Comment please if you understand or fail to do so, which for the purposes of this one, we'll say its my fault. I love you for reading this, I hope you'll see the film and ask me about it. Run. Not from anything but for something, or maybe simply for the sake of running. One more week or so and I guess I'll head east on the I-10 and start the next chapter, maybe start putting some money in the adventure jar.

Run. Adventure is out there.


SL

It Might Take 18 to Realize the Dream

Small men have big dreams...

So over spring break, I had the privilege of spending my time on the island of Lanai in Hawaii with much thanks to the Hurst family for letting us run their place for the week. During one of the days we played golf at the most gorgeous course I have ever seen. I hadn't played golf since my sophomore year in high school so clearly, i'm a hack.

Throughout the round, I was constantly botching my tee shots. Just about every tee shot I hit went straight into the ravine in front of the tee box. I kept thinking to myself, can I get ONE shot. All I want is ONE shot.

((Lately the idea of getting ONE shot is resonating. Personally, I feel like I keep seeing people who "don't deserve" chances get theirs. While that happens, I find myself looking over my shoulder, wondering when I'll get mine, all the while forgetting about concentrating on my own game.))

The day was getting long and as we approached the 18th tee box, I had yet to have my one tee shot I could call mine. With the sun setting, and my frustrations aside, I forgot about failing. I forgot about what everyone else was doing. I forgot about what the 17 before it looked like and so I just hit the ball. .

Its golf, I know, its petty. It's a somewhat pretentious analogy but a strong one none the less. It tells you to keep pushing. It tells you to forget about the past. It tells you to forget about the first 17. So what if it takes you 18 chances. I'm convinced you'll get there.

Some may have it easier, but no one ever had it easy.

(In case your wondering, I'm frustrated, I'm still on my way to the 18th tee, and if thats what it takes, i'll get my chance)

SL

The Power of Waiting

So I had this personal revelation the other night while thinking about the power of waiting. I was thinking about how great the ends are when the means are actualized as opposed to the means being dwelled upon.

Consider this: No one really likes the first ten minutes of a movie, always setting the scene for something bigger and better. If you could map out "human excitement" on a 2-dimensional graph, you would find a movie generally heads upward only to climax and head down. (Think amusement park log flume rides)

Applying that to your everyday life, I feel like we (I) spend way too much time considering.entertaining.dwelling.focusing on "getting to the climax" (out of the gutter please). I get so thrown by the idea that I would love to be at THAT point in my life right now and without a doubt, I truly believe that will happen. I think when we keep our heads on straight, we'll all get there. The law of averages constantly acts and accordingly, I would concur, things do balance out. However, I don't think we can live as if that moment "should be" now. 

Who am I to say I deserve better now?

The ONLY thing you deserve, is to enjoy the "picture painting". Enjoy the flavors along the way. Stop and remember what that sunset looked like, because it will never happen again. Give that awkward kid your time, because in that moment, you can do something about something. Don't feel helpless...help. People need it. You need it.

Ya owe it to yourself,

SL

(Song of the Week - Radiohead: No Suprises)